If I hadn't met you
by Pansk
Summary: KakashixIruka flick, might be a oneshot. Iruka is an adult and reflecting back on what might have happened in the past... had Kakashi not saved him. Complete at three chapters.
1. Rememberance

I DO NOT own Naruto, as much as I wish I did. I do not.

But I DO own the plot and the poem. DO NOT STEAL!

* * *

"_If I hadn't met you…  
I would remain the same.  
A never-ending cycle.  
But you know what?  
I'm glad I did.  
You changed my boring life…  
Into something so much more."_

His pencil stopped on the paper as he sat there, the desk light eliminated the white paper before him. He heaved a sigh; the pencil's eraser was suddenly in his mouth. His black eyes looked down at it with boredom and annoyance, he glared at it as if it was the paper's fault he couldn't write.

He heaved another sigh, chestnut hair was pinned up in a ponytail on the back of his head, on his face, there was a faded old scar that stretched from one far eye corner, over his nose, and to the other far eye corner.

He twitched his mouth, watching the pencil dance slowly up and down. He sighed, even at night, in secret, when he wrote. His talent was vanishing before his very eyes. He sighed once more and reached up a hand to take out the pencil from his mouth. He balanced it on his hand and stared at it.

A soft snore cast his bored eyes back towards the door behind him. A door shrouded in shadows. The man's lips curled into a gentle and secret smile. He looked down at his hands, at the pencil they held and smiled once more.

He smiled as he thought of his secret lover, but why was he chosen? Him, the boring teacher, almost the only thing exciting about him was the fact that he had a scare on his face, long hair, and that he ate ramen.

Iruka sighed once more; he seemed to do that so often. But it was like he couldn't stop sighing, either with pleasure or with sorrow and hopelessness.

He could still remember the looks people gave him. Those blank stares.

Despite the heat of the room, the teacher shivered with revulsion and dread. He closed his eyes, remembering the passed he'd hoped had been forgotten. He closed his eyes tightly, recalling events far passed and long forgotten.

**-Flash back begins**-

The small child, most likely at the age of ten or so, sat there, in the corner of his empty home. He couldn't remember those who'd slaved to buy this home. The ones who had raised him so gently. Tears threatened at the corner of his eyes as he fell back into that well of hopeless despair. He sobbed softly, face suddenly buried in his arms, knees drawn tight up against his chest.

"Why?" He sobbed softly, it didn't matter if he screamed, this house was a dead-zone. No one would care. No one ever cared. Everyone thought he was a pitiful boy who'd lost his parents. Big deal.

Well, to him, it was a big deal. He cried quietly, but soon stood up and wiped the tears away on the back of his hand, he tottered towards the room he remembered so well, if not the occupants who had once lived in the room.

He collapsed on the bed in a state of fright, sorrow, agony, grief… rage. No one cared for him, he was all alone. He remember the feeling when the other student's got picked up by their parents. But Iruka was always alone.

ALONE! He agonized silently, I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE! He screamed at himself in the safety of his own mind. He'd curled himself up on the large bed, hands clasped over his ears as if to drive out phantom sounds that might plague him.

His eyes snapped open. What if he killed himself? No one would care, he was just a burden on Konoha anyway. He was better off dead than alive. No one cared about him, no one, no one cared for poor little Iruka.

No one cared for 'dolphin-chan.'

Iruka's heart ignited with rage at the sound of his tormentors. The other students who enjoyed picking on him when the Teacher's back was turned. He closed his eyes, but the words flowed through him.

'You're a nobody!'

'No one cares about _you_!'

'Go home Dolphin-_chan_, you're not welcome here!'

He buried his face in the sheets of his dead parent's bed, crying with loneliness. With defeat. He sat up on his bed, he sneezed softly and lowered his head into his small hands, _that's what I'll do,_ He decided, _I'll throw myself off the wall… no one will care. It'll be fast. No one'll stop me either._

So, Iruka sat at his desk and wrote his death-letter. Not that anyone would care. He wrote it more for his parent's sake. He explained why he was doing this, why he was a burden. How he loved them more than anything else.

When he was done with the letter, he sighed it with his name. He felt strangely calm, his eyes closed and he fell asleep on his desk, peace, at long last, stole over him in the form of sleep.

The next morning, Iruka awoke to a thin beam of light stealing over his face. He smiled sadly, today was the day that he died. The day that he killed himself. He didn't have any friends, why would anyone care if he was gone? They wouldn't.

Who knows, even those other kids might throw a party.

A celebration of his death.

The day seemed brighter to him, he was going to skip class, clean up the house, eat so lunch, and then…

He was going to die.

He had it all planned out; where he was going to jump from, what he was going to where, what time of day it was going to be at.

He had it all planned.

The clock struck ten o'clock, only three more hours until he would cease to exist. He smiled as he went around the house, cleaning it up calmly and delicately, he sighed and went to put more things away.

Then the clock struck an hour before his last wish would be fulfilled. He nodded his head and fixed breakfast for him; no one had come yet, they hadn't expected anything like this to happen.

It would be the last prank that the class-clone played in his life.

Half an hour to go now, he gathered his clothes and slipped them on. With a last, farewell look around his home, he locked the door and set out. He smiled, the day was bright, he decided that he wanted to run, he grinned, giggled; and acted like a kid who had no troubles.

People waved at him, he smiled and waved back at them. He knew they were just being polite, they really didn't. He was also just being polite to him. As he neared the wall, he almost seemed to fly. Soon his life would be over. Soon. He knew he had a big grin on his face. As if he was greeting a parent who was on duty.

The ANBU and other jounin on watch let him by, assuming that he had something he needed to do. Which was true, Iruka did have something he needed to do. He needed to kill himself. The ten year old raced up the steps to the very tallest part of the wall. He smiled and fingered the scar acrossed the bridge of his nose. He laughed with abandoned pride and felt his heart race with the joy he knew he'd find.

When he finally cleared the last step and came out onto the tallest part of the wall. He spread his arms wide and laughed happily. He leaped in a flash up onto the wall of the gate and looked down. The green trees, the smell of the wood below him. He sighed with joy. It was all so perfect. The only thing that was perfect on his day.

He spread his arms like a gliding eagle and closed his black eyes. He tilted himself forwards…

… and fell off the wall.

He could feel the wind rush in his ears. He'd known it was a long fall, but this was longer than he'd thought it should have been. He wanted to die. That was true. He smiled, but didn't say anything. It wouldn't have mattered; no one cared about him anyway.

He knew he was almost to the ground, he could feel it. When something grabbed him out of the air. With a startled yelp, he was jerked aside and felt the wind rush out of his chest. "Oof!" He could recall saying, he felt the arm around his waist.

It was all so confusing! Why was this hand there? Who'd had saved him? He didn't want to be saved! He didn't! No one was supposed to care about him! No one! He almost screamed when he realized that he didn't have the breath to do so. He didn't open his eyes until the wind had stopped shifting passed his face.

He was placed down, his face tilted forwards, chin to his chest as he stood there. Where was he? On a tree, he could tell, but the soft wood feel under his hands. He didn't dare to look up at the one who'd saved him.

"What do you think you were doing?"

A voice demanded, it sounded slightly muffled as if something covered his mouth. Iruka felt a tear leak out of his eye, "I –I wanted to kill myself." He confessed softly, his voice tiny as he felt. He'd been caught.

He looked up at the one who'd saved him. He met that single black eye, and gasped. The gray hair that flopped over on the side of his head. Iruka swallowed a groan. The headband that should have been worn on his forehead, was worn covering one eye. On the boy's face there was a mask.

Iruka flinched when the boy a crossed from him, only three or four years his elder, lifted up a hand. But, instead of a strike like Iruka expected, the hand rested on his head, he looked up.

"Why would you do something like that?"

He asked. The boy –Hatake Kakashi- had crouched in front of him and was smiling with that single eye. Iruka gulped, his eyes watered with tears at the kindness of the boy in front of him.

Without knowing why, Iruka threw himself forwards and tackled Kakashi, clinging to his midsection. Iruka, who had never once felt loved, or wanted, suddenly did. Kakashi, sensing the boy's need to be held and spoke too softly, wrapped his arms around the child and held him close.

Kakashi, or course, had never done this before. But his body had acted for him when he saw the small almost limp bundle of clothing fall off the wall. His body had moved without his asking. Perhaps this was another trait that Obito had given him before he'd died. Kakashi lifted on hand and gently placed it over his special eye. He closed the other one in silent remembrance and looked down at Iruka.

The boy was shivering in his arms. Kakashi noticed that he was merely a stick of bones. Kakashi looked sadly at the small child, Iruka was sobbing now, only a few words were audible to the jounin as he listened to the kid.

"I-I wanted to die!" Sobbing, "I was just a burden on e-e-everyone!" More sobbing, Kakashi held the kid and let him pour out all of his pent-up emotions into his ears and into his vest. "No body c-cared about me… I-I ju-just thought it would be be-be-better if I just killed myself!" Iruka sobbed.

Kakashi was stunned, this poor kid? Thought he was unloved! That no one cared about him, Kakashi lowered his warm hand into the shivering bundle of clothes and lifted up Iruka's chin. He found himself gazing into the heart-broken and lonely eyes of Iruka. Kakashi himself this time, had to swallow back a sigh.

"Why would you be a burden? How would Konoha profit from yet another death?" He asked softly, his voice a low purr to the small child, Kakashi went on, "You're needed, maybe not yet, Iruka-kun, but you will be needed someday. I'm sure you'll do the best you can do." Kakashi told him.

"Everyone is needed." He said softly into Iruka's ear. The ten-year old looked at the fourteen-year old and swallowed another wash of tears. He nodded his head and cast his eyes at the ground.

Kakashi pulled the kid back into his arms, Iruka went there like a limp noodle. Kakashi bent his face close to Iruka's ear and whispered some words into the boy's ear.

**-Flash back ends**-

"Everyone must look forwards, if we do not look forward, but instead dwell on the past. Then there is no future; keep your eyes forward Iruka-kun, I'll always be there for you."

Iruka, now thirty-three, sat back in the chair. He'd been pulled back but a warm hand around his neck and shoulders. He froze, but with joy, once again, Kakashi had dragged him out of the black darkness of his passed.

Iruka glanced up and shifted his black eyes to meet the single black eye that met his own. Kakashi smiled, his face wasn't covered by a mask, it was the handsomest thing Iruka had ever seen. The chuunin looked at his jounin partner and smiled sadly.

"Still dwelling in the passed Iruka-kun?"

Kakashi asked him, Iruka nodded his head slightly with hesitation. Kakashi gave him a small smile, Iruka turned around and stood up, he was just a few inches shorter than Kakashi was, but they still saw eye-to-eye.

Kakashi chuckled softly and leaned forward on Iruka's body, his arms wrapped around Iruka's neck and pulled the man in close. Kakashi tickled Iruka's ear with his lips as he whispered into the other's ear,

"Keep your eyes forward Iruka-kun,"

Kakashi started, it was something he told Iruka enough times, the chuunin smiled and finished it, breathing into Kakashi's ear,

"I'll always be there for you."

Iruka finished, he could feel Kakashi smile,

"And so I shall."

* * *

Yes, another story brought to you by Pansk. Please review! I'm thinking about writing more for this story, since I love it so much, but I'm a bit hesitant, I think that this type of writing is almost beyond my skill. 

Honestly! I'm no emo, and I don't think Iruka was either. I just wanted to try something new.


	2. Lost

-I DO NOT own Naruto, as much as I wish I did. I do not.

But I DO own the plot and the poem. DO NOT STEAL!

* * *

"_If you hadn't met me,_

_Would your life have been the same?_

_Would your life be filled with love?_

_Would it be filled with joy?_

_Would it be boring?_

_If you had the choice,_

_To save me again –_

_Would you take it?_

_Do you regret your choice?"_

The pencil once again clattered onto the hard desk. A teardrop fell on the paper in front of the man; his hands were cupped in front of his face as he sat there, his naked shoulders shaking with terror and fear. However much the chuunin put on a brave front – he always broke down. He needed something to support him, but he always doubted. He was in a vortex on his way down, swirling in a pit of loss.

There was no hope for him.

His black eyes opened as he looked down at the paper in front of him. He blinked slowly, long eyelashes brushed against his hand as he blinked once more, just as slow. He read over the words once again, his heart repeating the words as if in an echo that refused to let the words leave him.

The chuunin raked a hand through his chestnut hair as he blinked, his eyes once more wet with tears. He glanced at the clock and blinked – it was about one in the morning. He looked at the paper in front of him and gently picked it up. He looked over the words once again and placed the paper in a drawer he'd just opened with his other hand. He placed the paper in there and stood up.

His body rippled as he stretched, near his spine, a little off was a clean scar, still pink from its newness. It shouldn't fade from another few months. He reached a hand back and smiled grimly. He remembered that cut. He looked at the ceiling of his home for a few moments, and then heaved a sigh. He wore only a simple pair of boxers that were black in color. He looked at the ground for a moment; his brown hair circled his face.

He smiled as he imagined phantom fingers touching it and playing with his hair gently with a lover's caring touch. The chuunin smiled and looked at the hair tendrils that flicked in front of his face. He sighed gently and closed them. Umino Iruka was still held in those depths of pain that he somehow needed to escape from – but he couldn't get out. Couldn't escape.

But really – what was there for him to escape from? What did he have to run from? What would make him want to run? The fact that he wasn't loved? Well – he was loved. That was one definite in his life. He could always count on the love of his partner. As he thought that his black orbs shifted back to the room over his shoulder. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he sat there, then his eyes closed and he was awash in history.

**Flashback begins**

Even after he'd been saved he was still much the same. He couldn't remember when it actually changed, when he managed a positive outlook on life. But for now – he was stuck in the realm of despair and hopelessness. The student looked at the ground. He sighed.

He stepped out of the door, out of his lonely house into the sunlight that didn't quite seem bright enough to make his day any better. The sunlight lacked the warmth on his face. It was supposed to be in the mid ninety's today. But to him it felt as it were a freezing forty.

He tilted his head down as he walked to school, unknowing that he was being watched. He didn't know, and didn't want to know. He wasn't loved; he knew that. He looked up at the children as they played outside until the bell rang.

When it rang, Iruka walked into the classroom as if nothing had happened the day before. However, most of the students knew, the teacher knew. They all stared at him as he came and sat down. Iruka looked innocent as he looked up at the teacher. The teacher blinked her hazel eyes; blonde hair circled her face as she regained her composure. She nodded her head and greeted the class.

Iruka was drawn into his own thoughts; he knew why they knew. Hatake had told them. He'd been there. After Iruka had controlled himself and stopped crying the student and Kakashi had gone up to the Hokage's Office.

…

Kakashi had explained to the Third why he was here and why Iruka was not in school. The entire time the student kept his black eyes fixedly on the ground. The Hokage had talked with him before; they'd gone on strolls in the village. But he'd never really been loved, the Hokage cared for him of course, but it wasn't good enough. Iruka wanted to be loved; he wanted to be needed by someone.

Hatake had told the whole incident. The Hokage hadn't spoken once, but Iruka could feel his eyes on him. He didn't look up however. Hatake finally stopped talking and had stood at attention. The room was quiet. Iruka didn't say anything. The Hokage didn't say anything, and Hatake looked helpless, even with his mask on, the student who was four years his younger, knew what the other was thinking – how could he help?

Iruka didn't want to be helped.

He just wanted to be loved. What was so hard about that? Why did they not understand? Was that too much to ask of them? Did they not understand because he wasn't able to commune that to them? Was that the reason? Was the fault his?

A tear fell from his face and onto the floor as the two gained a shocked expression on the others features. They blinked together, and then Hatake placed his arm over the shoulder of the student and leaned down (he was only taller than Iruka by a foot or two). He looked at the boy, his mask hidden as his large black eye was filled with shock at the younger.

"What's wrong Umino-kun?"

He asked softly, Iruka didn't respond to the question. He didn't want too, it must just be his fault. He allowed another hot tear to fall from his eyes, but instead of it hitting the ground, he was surprised to see that the drop had landed in Hatake's hand. He blinked and turned his watery eyes up to regard that single eye of the jounin.

Iruka uttered a strangled cry and fled from the room, tears still in his eyes.

Neither of the older men moved to stop him from leaving the room – the thought that ran through both the Hokage and Kakashi's mind were the same thing: Sometimes one needed time away from others.

But not in this case. Hatake knew that Iruka would once again, if allowed un-attended, to kill himself once more, he turned and started for the door, his hand had already reached and touched the handle when he heard his voice called.

"Kakashi."

He froze there, his head turned as he regarded the Hokage in all his wise-old years. Kakashi's eye blinked as he looked at the older man.

"Hai Hokage-sama?"

He asked hesitantly, fearing that the leader of Konoha wouldn't allow him to follow the student and keep him from harm. Somehow – it seemed unreasonable to the jounin. But he'd have to obey the Hokage, whatever his decision. He turned fully to face the Hokage.

The man regarded him silently, and then nodded his head, his eyes closed, as he bowed his head, fingertips touched as the leader pondered for a moment, Kakashi knew better than to interrupt the leader, but he was worried about Iruka and wanted to leave as soon as possible.

"Do not allow him to know that you are watching over him – it will be a B-ranked mission of the utmost importance."

Kakashi's single eye widened for a second, then it relaxed down to its normal size and the jounin nodded his head, silver hair bobbed on his head. He turned, opened the door, and walked out, intent on this new mission. He'd save that boy.

If he failed – Konoha would have to arrange the funerals of two more ninja.

…

"Iruka!" Came the sound of a teacher pushed passed her limits, Iruka jerked upright and he appeared to be startled. He blinked several times and looked at the teacher. Her hands were on her hips and her lips were pursed with anger and tension. Iruka knew he was going to be in trouble if he didn't find out what was going on in the next ten seconds.

His eyes shifted to the board where he spotted a math problem. The student happened to be rather good at these kind of problems and solved it in a few moments. He looked at the teacher and responded,

"The answer is ten." He told her confidently. Looking her right in the eyes with his own. His gaze shifted to the window for a brief second – he'd thought he'd seen a flash of silver but it must have been a bird. A large silver bird. Could be one of the messenger birds that flew around the Village at random times of the day.

Iruka nodded his head and looked at the teacher who nodded her head and actually gave a smile. She was going to say something when the bell rang for the class and school to be over. Iruka was one of the last to leave the classroom -- none of the other students spoke to him. They just stared at him as they passed by his desk, some of them snickered.

He titled his face down to hide the tears that raced down his face and fell onto his school work. The teacher looked about to say something to the student but he bolted out of there as soon as he could. She didn't get a chance to say anything.

Outside of the schoolyard was a different matter -- here Iruka was preyed upon by the bullies of the school. He was preyed upon and no one knew. No one cared enough to find out about the student walking alone, looking scared and apprehensive about his where-bouts.

He glanced over his shoulder and was rewarded with a sharp, stinging slap that sent him reeling. He didn't call out, but gritted his teeth and looked up at the, his eyes narrowed with anger and hidden fire that soon went out when he looked at the opposing force in front of him. He gulped instead and looked at them. He blinked several times and then stood up; his schoolwork forgotten on the ground he bolted away from the,

Now, Iruka was a pretty fast runner -- but so were they. They caught his with ease and knocked him over, his nose, by now, was bloodied from a direct punch to it. He was going to get a grand-old black eye and had the makings of several bruises before they pulled out their kunai training, dull and started to attack him with those.

He was, at one point in time, rammed against a wall. Unable to help himself his vision blackened and he lost consciousness.

This was the moment that Hatake had been waiting for. He swooped in, the students didn't know what had hit them. Kakashi dispatched with them as if they were nothing, and to the jounin, they were nothing. Wimps. Bullies. Beating upon his beloved Iruka. He crouched by the other's side, he bore marks of the attack, and the jounin decided to take his younger charge to the hospital to get a good-looking over and be cleared.

Kakashi, caring Iruka in his arms, walked towards the Hospital were he'd stay by Iruka's side until the lad awoke the next morning lost and confused. As well as in a world of pain. But Kakashi stayed the night, watching over Iruka and wondering why this little boy meant so much to him. Eventually he stood up and walked over to the other, laying on the white bed sheets.

Now, Kakashi was tired from the day, it was most of the way into the night as well. He shifted Iruka over without bumping anything and crawled into the hospital bed beside the student.

He slipped under the covers and arranged himself near to Iruka, his masked face titled towards the student.

When the nurse came in and saw Kakashi sleeping there, she turned off the lights, closed the door and let them alone, both asleep, but Kakashi's hand lay in Iruka's. The four year junior didn't even notice it until the next morning when he'd awake in pain, in confusion, and wondering why Kakashi was sleeping next to him.

**Flashback ends**

Iruka's eyes opened slowly as he looked at the table in front of him. He sat there and sighed gently, his arms reached out as he stretched, he let out a very odd sound as he did. He was laying there, claming himself down, his body slowly relaxing itself as he lay there, his head laying forehead down on the table. He sighed gently, his black eyes closed.

He didn't feel the other man who had walked up behind him. The jounin smiled as he looked at Iruka, almost asleep. He stretched his arms up and lay them just above Iruka's arms, he didn't want to wake the chuunin. He slowly lowered his arms, pressing himself against Iruka he stood there, bent over, his chest touching the back of the other.

His head lay gently in the crook of Iruka's neck, the chuunin's body was starting to respond to the feel of Kakashi's skin against his. The jounin smiled slightly and nibbled gently on Iruka's ear. The chuunin sucked in a breath of ecstasy, Kakashi smiled and nibbled a bit harder on Iruka's ear. He loved the taste of the tanned man's skin.

"Iruka, thinking those horrible thoughts once more?"

The jounin asked softly, his soothing, but raspy voice made the chuunin tense. But Iruka's shoulders relaxed as he gave up lying to Kakashi. He just nodded his head slightly, he turned his face, one black eye stared at one black eye and one red eye. Kakashi smiled, he closed his red eye and just snuggled against Iruka's shoulder.

Iruka smiled sadly, he looked at Kakashi and moved to get up but Kakashi held him to the table. Iruka smiled as he tilted his head and kissed the mass of silver hair on the jounin's head. Kakashi smiled and kissed Iruka's shoulder. The chuunin shivered like an untried colt as Kakashi's hands played over the chuunin's solid body. Iruka felt his breath coming faster soon enough.

Kakashi smiled, he had much more control than the other did and he still loved Iruka for that, ever since the day that they had woken up in the same bed Kakashi had known that he needed to make Iruka his and no one else's. The jounin smiled gently and played with Iruka's hair. He knew only a fraction of the pain that the chuunin was going through, but knew well enough that he would help his lover in any way possible.

Kakashi smiled as Iruka writhed under him with pleasure. Iruka's face was sweaty already and Kakashi knew that Iruka was nearing his climax. The jounin helped him along, both met each other, and when at last both were done, they collapsed. Both sweating, Kakashi smiled as he looked at Iruka, who was panting still.

"Iruka,"

He called softly to the chuunin, his practiced eye caught the stiffening of the chuunin's shoulders though it was slight, it was enough to alert the jounin that his partner was listening to him. Kakashi's soft hand stroked the chuunin's back gently, Iruka relaxed, and Kakashi spoke on in that rich voice of his,

"Iruka, why do you run?"

He asked the chuunin who stiffened up once more under his touch. Kakashi leaned over and rested his head on Iruka's fit shoulder, the chuunin's face was turned away from him, but Kakashi knew when someone was crying and this was one of those times. Kakashi sighed gently and brought his left had forward, he grasped Iruka's chin gently and pulled the man's face over towards him.

Iruka's face was covered in tears. Kakashi kissed them and licked them away gently, he didn't want Iruka to be sad, because it made him sad. Was that selfish? No. Kakashi was worried about Iruka and the mental state of the chuunin's mind. Iruka, still crying gently, wrapped his arms around the other and lay his head on the shoulder and cried onto the soft bare skin of Kakashi.

"I-I-I don't k-know Kakashi, I-I I can't… understand!"

He cried, his shoulders shaking into Kakashi's shoulder. The jounin wrapped his arms around Iruka's waste and smiled sadly, he kissed Iruka's hair with his lips and ran the silky-soft strands through his chestnut brown hair. He loved the soft feel of it as it ran through his fingers. He smiled gently and assured the chuunin --

"I love you Iruka, I have told you before -- you are my one and only love. That means I accept every part of you, the hope the laughter, the love, and hell, I'm loving the sex -- but you need o understand my Dolphin, that I accept you for you -- that includes all of your fears, your misery."

Kakashi cuddled Iruka in his lap on their couch, having moved from the desk they were at. Iruka, still slightly fretful, was calmed and his fears pushed aside by the level of love and devotion that Kakashi gave him. His head resting on the jounin's lap and his hair being gently played with by Kakashi, the chuunin slipped off into a gentle sleep that encased about him as firmly as a cocoon.

Kakashi, after a few moments of staring at Iruka's quite sleeping form, kissed him on the head and leaned over to lay behind Iruka, his arm supporting both Iruka's and his own head. He smiled gently and kissed the chuunin again,

"Good night my Iruka."

And then they both drifted off into sleep.

--------------

Muhahaha!

Ze second chapter ish done::triumphant music::


	3. Hope

This is the last chapter of this story, I couldn't think of a better way to end it than this way. So I hope everyone enjoys it and remember, Naruto is not owned by me. However much I wish it was.

* * *

_What is life if it is not painful?  
hat pain tells us we are alive.  
The one's who heal that pain is the one we love,  
And the one's who we love are important to us.  
Can we ever let them go?  
Can I ever tell him no?  
Even if I hurt him, I could never give him up._

Iruka was asleep on his bed, so like that time in the hospitals. It was such a strange thing to be there. He'd been there before of course, when Kyuubi had murdered his mother and father. The small child had known there was warmth, but he hadn't craved it nearly as bad as that moment. He remembered it all in vivid detail. He smiled still asleep as he entered a dream… no, not a dream. Something more; a memory of his past.

**Flashback begins**

The boy was asleep on the bed, his eyes closed, but he felt warm, like there was something else there, sharing that small space with him. The warmth reminded him of his mother, her warm comfort when he was feeling scared or sad… He missed that. Asleep he could imagine her being there, by his side, she smiled and his small hand clasped the warm hand he was already holding tighter. This was what Iruka knew love to be like.

He smiled softly and nodded his head gently, with a smile on his still half-asleep features the boy was beautiful, the scar that stretched from one side of his face to the other brought only more compliments to his features. Iruka's black eyes opened slowly, he half expected to see his room, or his mother's features in front of him, her beautiful blue eyes gazing back at him as she greeted him with a smile. Tears welled in his eyes as he opened them fuller – aching for those eyes and the warm comfort that they gave him.

Iruka's eyes were opened, but he didn't see his mother, no, he didn't see anything but the soft colors of the Hospital. _The hospital…? Why'm I here?_ He thought to himself silently, he shifted a bit to turn back onto his back. He grunted softly when his aching body told him it was impossible for him to do that. Curious, Iruka tried again, his sore body met a warmth. Iruka's body was sore and he didn't jerk upright. He presently disentangled his fingers from the hand and reached up to touch his face…

…wait. Fingers? Iruka's black orbs wandered back down, he was then aware of the reason he couldn't turn over when his bed-buddy inhaled softly, so soft it was almost silent. Iruka blinked, the arm draped over his side was comforting. It was a gloved hand, the kind without the fingers on it and a smooth metal plate on the back – as if it warded off attacks to the face; indeed, the metal bore scratches and deep rivets acrossed it. Iruka blinked a few more times, the other person was sleeping – but who was it? Iruka was one confused child.

He turned and looked behind him, craning his head back he met the sleeping face of …Hatake-san?! Iruka gulped as he looked at face, he shifted his body over, facing the other male fully he blinked several times; a blush had spread over his face. He blinked a few more times, his throat worked, but even though he wanted to demand what the hell Hatake thought he was doing sleeping in the same bed as him… he couldn't do it. Hatake looked so serene, so peaceful. Iruka's lids grew heavy.

He tried to stay awake, but the comfort that radiated off the masked teen's face drove out all thoughts of fear, and it even held those nagging dark thoughts back from his mind… for now. Umino saw himself moving closer to the silver-haired male, his fists and forearms rested against Hatake's chest. It was calming, Iruka felt his body relaxing, he dipped his head down, chin touching his chest – it was the same soothing position he'd spelt in since he was a small child. His legs were folded over each other, he nestled against Kakashi's chest and a smile slowly spread over the boy's face. He fell asleep like that.

Kakashi's body had reacted to the warmth on his chest, he liked that warmth, it brought more light into the world – light he thought had gone out the moment his Father had taken his life in Kakashi's house. Kakashi's arms slid over the warm bundle and brought it close to his side. He smiled through his mask, still asleep, and he drifted into much more pleasant dreams than what he'd dreamed of before.

**--**

Iruka awoke much later, he was still pressed against Kakashi's chest, but he now had arms holding him there, he didn't mind it, it made him feel needed, he was about to burrow into Kakashi's chest when the nurse's voice broke the serene silence that had reigned over the hospital room, it started with a soft knock, then:

"Hatake?"

The female voice had asked, unsure, young, as if she wasn't quite sure she should be there, a head stuck into the room, Iruka's head came up, a scowl on his features as he glared at her. She yipped softly and almost bolted, that kid was glaring at her! Like she'd tarnished something beautiful! She grumbled and back out a moment before pushing in a cart with food on it. She offered Iruka a smile, which he didn't acknowledge and still glared at her. She frowned, "See here…" She started, then noticed the silent body of Kakashi still there. She blinked a few more times, her mouth open and circular in shape.

Iruka growled at her like some sort of demon. She was taken aback, she gathered her wits and was about to speak to the brat when a soft, and husky voice spoke first;

"Iruka-kun… what's wrong?"

That voice was beautiful, handsome… there was no other word that could describe it! Enthralling! The young maiden felt her heart swing in silent ecstasy. However, she knew she had work to do, gathering air to talk she was once more stopped. This time it was by Iruka,

"Hatake-san! I didn't mean to wake you --!"

"Maa, it's fine, I was about to get up anyway. What's the problem."

"Her--! She came in here!"

Iruka said, he sat up, pointing to the nurse, who was flaming at the cheeks and muttered something rude to the small male in the hospital bed. She glanced up in time to meet that blue-black orb. She blinked a few more times and just stared, words locked away. Even though he had a mask on his face she knew he was handsome. She offered a smile (she couldn't see if he returned it) and bowed slightly, "Gomen nasai, I came in with food because it's lunchtime and I thought the little bra – I mean Iruka would like some food." She said, fumbling her words badly.

"Ah."

He said simply and sat up, his hair tousled on his head, masked face tilted back as the boy yawned loudly, half-closed orbs drifted over to Iruka, who was looking at Kakashi, the other blinked sleepily, "Hungry?" Kakashi asked softly, Iruka nodded his head. The silver haired male got out of the bed, he wasn't wearing his vest, it was rather odd to sleep in one's vest after all. He blinked and dawned the vest, and then zipped it up, it wasn't until he headed for the door that Iruka made a movement,

"Hatake-san--!"

The boy cried, his voice strangled slightly, Kakashi turned and looked at Iruka, clearly surprised, he blinked and sighed, running a hand through his hair he blinked a few more times and snorted,

"Kakashi, it makes my skin crawl when you called me 'Hatake-san' so formally."

"No--! Hata—eep! Kakashi-san?"

Iruka said, having been silenced when he'd started to called Kakashi 'Hatake-san' again. Kakashi turned and looked at him carefully, his hands in his pockets, single visible eye had curved up, his chest was still warm from where Iruka had curled up and fallen asleep there. Kakashi looked at the student and nodded his head slightly,

"Yeah?"

"Where are you going?"

"… to go and get a mission?"

"Why?"

"I haven't been on one in a long time."

Iruka tried vainly not to all his eyes to fill with tears as he looked at Kakashi, he'd wanted the boy to stay with him and eat lunch, he threw another death-glare to the nurse who sucked in breath and glared right back at him. Kakashi chuckled softly and walked back over to Iruka, he placed a hand on Iruka's hair and ruffled it a little, Iruka snorted and slapped the gloved hand away from him.

Kakashi chuckled again and nodded his head slightly, "Be a good boy and be nice to the nurse while you're here, if you do, I'll take you out to ramen when I get back." He said softly and turned away again, Iruka reached out and grabbed the jounin's vest, "Wait…" The dolphin said softly, the scarecrow turned back and looked at the boy and smiled through his mask, "Don't worry, I'll be back as fast as I can." He assured the boy gently, and pried Iruka's death-hold on his vest. He smiled and vanished.

Iruka blinked a few moments, then his eyes filled with angry tears, the nurse watched silently. She would ponder over Kakashi's appearance with the small dolphin, in the mean time… "Hungry?" She said brightly to the boy who looked at her like she was crazy. Then he thought a moment, as if reminded of something Kakashi had said to him and nodded his head slowly up and down. "Yes please ma'am." He said softly.

_Yes please ma'am… What just happened between those two? A few seconds ago I was lucky to get him to stop glaring at me!_ She thought, impressed despite herself, she nodded her head, "We have plenty of food here, anything on the try interesting?" She asked softly to the boy, Iruka looked at the food tray a moment and then wrinkled his nose. "Do you have any ramen?" He asked softly, blushing slightly, "Gomen, it's just my favorite…" He said softly, voice trailing off a moment as he thought. He blinked as he looked back up to her, "Please?" He asked softly, she smiled despite himself, who was this kid? He had quite the charm! She nodded her head and smiled, "Of course." She told him, chuckling gently, she turned and headed out the door to get some ramen for the boy.

Iruka sat on his bed, his hand slipped down to the spot where Hatake… _Kakashi_, he thought determinedly, _his name's Kakashi. Hatake Kakashi._ Iruka smiled, he'd stayed with Iruka the whole night --! Why? What had Iruka done to get this kind of treatment from Kakashi? Such a kind man he was… Iruka's eyes welled. He missed the other already. He sniffed softly, the thin scent of ramen trailed under his nostrils, he blinked several times and looked to the door. His stomach growled hungrily.

The nurse came back in, ramen bowl in her hands. Iruka looked at her and smiled slightly, "Thanks." He muttered gently as she pulled out a tray for him to eat on. She smiled and nodded her head, she sat down on the bed and blinked a few times, "You look better than you did yesterday." She said thoughtfully, "Yesterday we thought we might loose you Umino-kun." She said softly, Iruka, right in the middle of slurping a clump of noodles stopped. He finished those noodles and looked at the nurse carefully, "Whatta ya mean?" He asked softly, looking at her through narrowed orbs. She looked at him and laughed.

"Kakashi, he brought you here. Real worried he was, I guess he stayed by your side the whole night didn't he?"

She said softly, looking at the wall opposite her. She smiled and looked over at Iruka, who suddenly looked at the tray, "Iruka?" She asked softly, worried about the boy, Iruka's eyes were mad, seriously mad. "I was right. He was following me." The student said angrily, he wiped his eyes and sighed, choking back tears. "I bet he didn't want me to try and kill myself again! I bet Hokage put him up to it." He said bitterly, he slipped out of the bed carefully, then he dawned the clothes that were already set out for him and walked towards the door. "Iruka… wait! What's wrong?" His nurse asked, worried, Iruka ignored her and bolted out the door. She stood up and called for the medical staff to grab him, unfortunately, when a dolphin doesn't want to be caught – it has ways of avoiding it.

And Iruka _didn't_ want to be caught or touched by anyone. He bolted out the door, feeling betrayed, abandoned and hated. He ran out of the hospital and out passed the gate before the jounin there could stop him. He was lost in a few moments, his body torn by the branches there, Iruka kept going. Deeper and deeper he went, he allowed tears to fall down his face now, without shame. He whimpered as he went in between the trees, he stepped on plants, his feet colored green before he stopped.

And he only stopped because his body wouldn't go any further. He covered himself with leaves, shivering from the cold and lay there, at the base of a tree and he cried. He just cried and cried harder until there were no more tears. He tried to remember something warm, because he felt like and empty shell of himself, like something dead. He just waited there for either the animals or the cold in his heart to take him.

**--**

Kakashi hadn't been kidding when he said he was going on a mission, and that mission was to get permission from the Hokage for something important to him. Ever since he'd woken up with Iruka curled close to his chest he knew he had to ask the Hokage for the boy to live with him. He knocked on the door to the office and entered at the permission of Konohagakure's leader. He blinked as he stood before the leader, the old man looked up at Kakashi and smiled,

"How's Iruka Kakashi?"

"Fine, sir, I have a question for you."

"Hm?"

"Can Iruka live with me? I mean – he doesn't really have a home, not without parents like that sire, I'd like to keep him with me…"

"Ah, and interesting question Kakashi."

"Sir?"

"I was planning on it anyway, I was going to summon you last night, but certain medicalnin at the Hospital told me I shouldn't disturb you."

Kakashi blushed as the Hokage chuckled to himself and smiled, the old man nodded his head and chuckled, "Of course he can stay with you. Take care of him Kakashi." The Hokage told him, Kakashi bowed and was about to bow from the room when a frantic medicalnin ( the nurse ) burst in, and she was in a blind panic!

"Hokage-sama! Iruka--! He's--! _Gone!_"

"What? Slow down!"

The nurse took a deep breath, she looked at Kakashi, her eyes narrowed with tears as she looked at him, "He left! Oh gods! He was so mad at you Kakashi-san! Something about you following him--! I don't know! No one could catch him and – and – and… AHH!"

The nurse said, crying her eyes out to the silver haired jounin who stood there, his entire body taunt as a cord. He looked at the Third, his eye frantic, "I heard he got passed the gate guards as well –! The means he's out there --! In the wilderness! All alone! He barely had any clothing on as well…"

The nurse said, succumbing to noisy hiccups. Kakashi's head snaked towards the Hokage, "Sir?!" Kakashi begged with his voice, the Hokage nodded his head, in a flash Kakashi was out the Hokage's open window and away he went, speed was lent to his limbs from the night's rest. _Iruka… oh Iruka… why?_ He cried inside, wanting to yell. He flashed passed the guards at the gate without a word and into the forest he went.

It was hours later and he still hadn't found the boy, Iruka knew how to hide! The boy had crossed a stream, and then walked backwards to cover his tracks! Kakashi was more than a little impressed at the knowledge that the boy had – but now was not the time to think about that!

"IRUKA!"

His voice called, he glanced toward the ground at a faint rustling – a large cat was on the hunt tonight and had been startled out by the sound of the man. Kakashi's heart quickened with fear and pain, "Iruka…" He called softer this time, his voice pleading with the lad to come out.

A rustling caught his attention and he dove that way, afraid it was something else. But it was Iruka, the boy was crying on the ground, or trying to cry. With a wordless shout of rough joy Kakashi scooped up the student and hugged him to his chest, tears leaked out of his eyes for the boy's safety. Iruka's own arms had reached around Kakashi's midsection and held tight there.

"Oh my god… Iruka, are you alright? Please, please, please! Don't ever do that again! Oh god… Iruka... if I'd lost you…!"

"I'm sorry Kakashi! I'm sorry! I won't ever do it again! Please! I'm so sorry!"

The pair held there for a long time. And in those moments, Kakashi understood why he worried so much about the student four years his younger. He loved him, he loved the smell of Iruka, the quirky ways Iruka slept, the things he did… all of him!

"Iruka. I love you."

"Kakashi?"

"Mhmm?"

"I love you too…"

"Good, I don't think I could allow you to be with anyone else."

**Flashback ends**

Iruka, many years later opened his eyes as the day settled in, he felt the soft fingers twined with his own. He smiled and slipped them loose, no longer were those fingers strange to him. No longer did he grieve, not while Kakashi was there with him. He rotated his naked body so he was closer to his lover. His fists and forearm planted themselves against the older man's chest as he smiled and cuddled closer, chin tucked to his chest as he found his favorite way to sleep.

He felt Kakashi's arms encircle around him and pull him closer. His hair was kissed as his naked loved held him as if he were the most important thing in the entire world, and to Kakashi, Iruka was the more important thing in the world. Now and forever.

"I'll always love you, Iruka, always."

"I know, and I love you as well…"

Then the two would sleep sounder than they had since the night Iruka had moved in with Kakashi so long ago. So very long ago.

But it was different now, because they were both at peace. Iruka relaxed fully and fell asleep completely, Kakashi a few moments later


End file.
